Did you tell?

Just a few weeks ago I made the decision to go au naturale with my hair.  I made the decision, started the process and BOOM!  My cycle, my monthly, my menses,  my aunt flo --or whatever you want to call it, went whacky.   I just don't get it.  I was actually just finishing up when I made the going grey decision.  It was a Monday, ah, I remember it well.  Still needing a panty liner, but all the ugh coming to an end.  Then, just 8 days later:  Seriously, what the hell?  On a Tuesday.  Yeah, only 6 days free from freaking Flo (never called it that before).  Full on cramps (I thought I had food poisoning); a spot; and, then hello! The period from hades that lasted for-fucking-ever.  I've had things go a little whacky before, but this was just wrong. 

How in the name of all glorious padless days did my uterus find out that I was getting old?  It can't be a coincidence, can it?  Did it read my blog?  And now it is jealous of the follicles atop my head and wants equal page time?  Did you tell it?  Did it look at my passport and suddenly realize it had been hoodwinked by my youthful appearance and healthy lifestyle?  More likely that they put something in hair dye that acts as a uterus preservative?   A reason to go back to my coffee latte locks from a box?

No, don't say it.  Don't say it is time.  It happens.  It is natural.  It is a part of the glorious cycle of being a woman.  It is a transition to be treasured.  Don't break into the song from the Lion King either.  Just don't.

Oh and since I'm on the topic of body parts-- what is up with calling a full grown man's penis "little [insert name here]"?  Do people really do that, other than on television?   If my husband, or any man I wanted to have sex with [yes, we are using that in a past tense sort of way just for emphasis], referred to his in that way, I would crack up laughing and tell "little" Tom, Dick or Harry that he should just go play with "big" Tom [yes,that is exactly what I was thinking]  by himself somewhere.  Alas, there would be no sex.  Considering my uterus has decided to spring sporadic leaks, whenever it damn well pleases, who wants to let it engage in sex anyway.