Off-kilter.

We live in a wonderful place.  It has its issues, like every place does.   Some of ours are greater.  Some of ours are lesser.  The water, the salt air and the laughter of my family feed my soul.  At times though, it is hard to remember to keep my heart filled with the fortune and the love that is mine, even when it is right in front of me. (perhaps like when your four year old says she hates you and wants a different mommy and you consider agreeing with her instead of appreciating, uhmmm her growth, or when same said four year old keeps you up all night with hives cause she needs you, and in your exhaustion the thought of that alternate mommy enters your mind, or when your fourth grader is acting too much like a junior high kid and she isn't even 10, and you really want to yell that at her, or when you think your husband doesn't realize that you haven't been kissing goodbye or hello or goodnight recently and are totally lonely, till you think in your fog filled brain, wait, was I kiss-available? or was I flying by in an exhausted ranting frenzy for the past three days?). 

Today, for me, my heart was a deflated balloon and my soul was hungry.  A strange exhausted sadness was smothering me, making it too difficult for me to begin the work that was sitting right in front of me.   You know, one of those tasks that you have to do, it isn't exciting, isn't terribly difficult, but is time consuming and needs to be done - today.  Well, I could not seem to get past stacking all the papers that I needed to get started, so, I stopped.

I opened up a photo file and flipped through these:

First, I felt the breeze.

Then,  

I remembered what was important,

I felt the joy,

I heard the laughter,

and I was overcome with their pure love.  

Now, here I sit, my heart swelling, thankful for my life, the memory of the laughter feeding my soul. Knowing that I will hear real laughter later, again and again. The task awaits, patient little task that it is.  I've tucked what was smothering me in a bottom drawer. I've been righted.

When you get thrown off-kilter by lack of sleep or exhaustion or work or obligations or the day-to-day drain, I hope you have some memories handy, so you can get back on track quickly.